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This period represents a full decade since the phrase “vanishing” entered the public consciousness. Initially, the idea that someone could instantly end contact with a romantic interest without a word seemed like the peak of disrespect. We were so innocent. In the decade since, finding a significant other has only become more confounding – an commonly pointless exercise in humiliation that is increasingly pigeonholed by social media lingo.

Gen Z, a demographic who grew up during a loneliness crisis, a masculinity crisis, and a coordinated challenge on the freedoms of females and the queer community, faces a far messier terrain than their Gen Y elders could ever envision. And so their romantic glossary has grown more elaborate and more bizarre, with terms like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” pushing the boundaries of your sanity.

Below is a detailed guide to the terms this generation is using to talk about romance, intimacy and the search of both. To paraphrase one of the recent most enduring online sayings, by the conclusion of this list you’ll yearn to get back to a bygone era – because where that is, it is free from “ideological catfishing”.

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A

Genuineness – For gen Z, dating’s gold standard is presenting as your real, unvarnished self. Good luck with that!

B

Bird theory – A TikTok trend connected to a framework developed by relationship scientists, in which you bring up something insignificant – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and observe whether your partner’s response is interested or dismissive. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Black cat girlfriend – Gen Z’s response to the “manic pixie dream girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner prioritizes herself while exuding mystery and independence. (She might still have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Seat theory – This means seeking out someone who helps you without being asked. If you entered a room, they would get a seat for you to sit down.

Choremance – A meet-up where two people connect while handling tasks, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how broke twentysomethings do affordable romance in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Crashing out – Having a breakdown when you feel swamped by life. You can crash out over a infatuation or split, venting all of your (unrequited) emotions.

The Letter D

DINK – Two incomes, no children. Once a marker of 80s yuppie affluence, it describes couples who choose against parenthood to prioritize their own fulfillment. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

E

Emotional vibe coding – The antithesis of playing it cool: practicing dialogue, honesty and vulnerability.

F

Signals

• Red flags – Behavioral quirks signaling a potential partner is trouble. Such as calling their former partners crazy, poor gratuity habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a new DJ career …
• Green flags – These quirks validate your choice to date a partner. Such as following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, low phone use, having a proper bed …
• Beige flags – These typically describe niche, mostly inoffensive idiosyncrasies. Examples include being an enthusiastic ornithologist, still carrying around a pen in their wallet, paying the rent in physical money …

Shared obsession pairing – When you find someone who’s just as passionate about films about the WWII or physical media hoarding or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who loathes the same things or individuals that you do (nothing creates intimacy faster than having a nemesis).

The Letter G

Geese – A band many young men likes.

Zombie-ing – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a length of disappearing.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is affable, accommodating and devoted. The uncommon boyfriend who is beloved by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's foil.

Gooners – A primarily online subculture of men so preoccupied with self-pleasure that they attempt extended sessions, purposefully postponing orgasm so they can persist as long as possible.

H

Pessimistic straight dating – A phenomenon describing many women’s increasing cynicism toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

High-value woman – An stereotype touted by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and happily domestic, who seemingly has no ambitions of her own aside from pleasing her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “pessimism” thing better?

The Letter I

Icks – Arbitrary and frequently trivial turnoffs that instantly extinguish any feelings of desire.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else receive an incredibly sweet act.

The Letter J

Careers – These have not been this important in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ultimate catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd prefer partners in fields they believe are being staffed by the more nurturing among us: nurses, teachers or therapists.

K

Making out – This year, scientists learned that kissing has existed for 16m years. But the era of kissing may be waning since some Zoomers prefer fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy believable.

Enhanced profile crafting – Mild deception. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more important than it is. Also known as {